Just another day...

Okay, If you don't want to hear me whine about my life. Please feel free to skip this post. I promise you're not missing much. I just needed a place to get it all out.

I know many of you gals are either- Oooohh yeah Valentine's or its just another commercial holiday. I am going to be honest with you. I don't care about Valentine's day or any other holiday for that matter. Not because of me or any feelings I have about hallmark but because I don't do well with disappointment. You see my husband doesn't do anything for any holiday- not mother's day, not christmas, and not even my birthday.  I have really tried to accept these things and to be honest I was doing well for the most part until I got onto social media such as blogging and instagram because it's just a constant reminder of things I will never have. I will never have the husband who tells me he loves me or that he is proud of me. I will never have the husband who says thank you for anything I do. I will always be the wife that does it all by herself because I have no choice. I will be the wife who just tries to keep everything going. I am the only who does laundry or cooks, the only one who watches the kids I arrange their babysitting when needed, their school, and all their activities.

Sometimes, when you see I have taken a break from blogging its because seeing so many of you happy "normal" girls starts to take its toll on me. I sit around and wonder what it would be like to have a family outing. I am not talking vacation or anything like that. I mean I used to dream of taking my kids to the park as a family or going for walks as a family. Well,there is no family time. It's just me. Just a mom struggling to do the best she can to give my kids the kind of life and memories they can look back on. And yes my husband works (just FYi- I also have a full time job) that I get but the fact that he doesn't want to be there. He doesn't get excited when I tell him the girls said a new word or even when they started to walk. He won't even hold our youngest because he says she "drools too much".

On Valentine's, all I do is review my life and think how did this happen to me. I go back to our first mother's day 7 months pregnant with twins. I spent the majority of that pregnancy miserably sick and vomiting and peeing my pants with every heave (how come no one warns you about that).  And well I was really looking forward to Mother's day. I thought now that I am having his kids surely things will change. Well, you know what I got for Mother's day. I got told "You're not even really a mother". That haunts me to this day. And well every holiday after that was completely down hill.

Anyways, on that completely depressing note for those of you that somehow found it worth reading to the end- Happy Valentine's day. I hope your day is filled with the love you should experience all year round.

Tomorrow, I promise to be happier and less of a Debbie downer. I'll tell you about the twin's time in Morther's day out and their first Valentine's party.

-Ally